Reflections of a Grandmother
day our grandson Steven was born we were over the moon. "Our
first Grandchild". We were so proud of our daughter and
son-in-law. But suddenly our world was torn apart when it
became apparent that Steven would not survive. The six days
that followed were the worst days of our lives. I had to cling
on to the belief that something would be done to save him.
He was so beautiful and so big how could he not survive? We
just felt numb not knowing what to say to Karen and Andy.
Steven died a part of us died too. We still did not know what
to say and we probably said and did all the wrong things.
I felt I could not grieve in case Karen and Andy called in
and I upset them. I found myself starting to say things and
changing my mind in mid sentence, thinking, "Oh no,
I can't say that". I know that this infuriated Karen,
and that they wanted to talk openly about Steven.
teaches Grandparents how to cope, and it's not something that
comes naturally. Everybody handles difficult situations in
different ways. I wanted to talk about it, but my husband
couldn't, I wanted to have photos out, but my husband could
not cope with that. It was so hard for us when Karen and Andy
shut everybody out in their grief. I felt that I had failed
them. I should have been able to put things right, "I'm
a mother, that's my job", but I could not put this right.
I just had to stand on the sidelines and watch my daughter
falling apart, knowing I should have been there for her, but
not knowing how.
felt I was losing my daughter as well as my grandson. It was
as though she blamed me for not making it right. I have never
been able to grieve properly for Steven and my husband never
got over losing him. I have slowly got my daughter back and
now I have another lovely grandson Matthew, who my husband
sadly never lived to see. The pain and anger that I feel at
losing Steven never goes away. The fact that his death could
have been prevented and that the people who contributed to
the mistakes that led to his death, will never have to stand
up and be counted, makes it harder to come to terms with.
We never held our grandson and I will never forgive the people
responsible for that.
very proud of Karen and Andy and I love Matthew to bits, he
is so precious. I just wish I could turn the clock back and
have the power to give our darling Steven the gift of life.
In memory of Steven
Born 1st June 1995. Died 7th June 1995.